Evolution is an amazing thing. They came to the White Isle in the 60’s, mostly by mistake – some stayed and some left and it’s been happening every year ever since. Here is a light-hearted look at the San Antonio Worker over the ages and their place in modern day Ibiza.
HIPPIES – 40 years plus on the island. Came to Ibiza to discover themselves and never left. Still wear lots of denim and speak like Keith Richards, smoke spliffs and/or ducados (local cigs).
Most likely to say: Brigitte Bardot; now there was a woman!
Least likely to say: That new road is a great addition to the islands transport infrastructure
DINOSAURS – 30 years plus on the island. Love to talk about the late 70 and 80’s with a nostalgic tear in their eye, name-dropping the Gibb brothers, Ku and Club Tropicana into every conversation, lamenting the “good old days”. Tony Pike is their hero.
Most likely to say: Forcing the clubs to cover their terraces was the beginning of the end
Least likely to say: Ibiza is so much better now than it used to be
VETERANS – 20 years plus. Usually ex-reps and bar managers. The 90s is their favourite topic and they discuss the Rave/BritPop era as if it was their own. Not quite as bitter as the Dinosaurs but on the verge of becoming one (although they would never admit it).
Most likely to say: Manumission, Carry On at Space and then Bora Bora…the party never used to end…
Least likely to say: The lack of air-con never bothered us back then…..
KNOW IT ALLS – 10 years plus. They encompass the noughties and still perceive themselves to be down with the kids. Too old to be part of the in-crowd, too young to be a veteran, they know everything that you did or didn’t want to know about the island and will lecture you at any given moment.
Most likely to say: What time’s John Digweed playing?
Least likely to say: Atlantis? I’m not sure I know how to get there by road
SERIOUS ONES – 5 years plus. They’ve seen it all and know it all but haven’t yet found their way out of San Antonio. They look at the Know it All’s with envy, the Veterans with disdain and sneer at the Dinosaurs.
Most likely to say: Let’s meet out of town for tapas at Tapas.
Least likely to say: Let’s meet out of town for tapas in San Carlos
WANNABES – 2 years plus. Busy trying to make a name for themselves and desperate to be taken seriously by the Serious Ones. Usually found behind a bar or on the door of a club telling all the Returning Workers what it was like ‘back in the day’. They can’t even bring themselves to talk to 1st Year Workers.
Most likely to say: Marco Carola is God
Least likely to say: David Guetta is God.
RETURNING WORKER – 1 year plus. King of the world because they made every mistake in the book and not only lived to tell the tale but came back for more. They take advantage of 1st Year Workers and drop C-list names into conversation even though they don’t know or have never met them. Steer clear.
Most likely to say: I can take you to the airport for €20.
Least likely to say: No I haven’t got a taxi licence, my car isn’t insured and I’m still buzzing from Sankey’s last night
1st YEAR WORKER – 1 month plus. Achingly trendy with no apparent desire to work but usually has a first class degree in blagging. Likes to act like a Returning Worker but doesn’t have the knowledge so looks stupid especially in front of the Wannabes.
Most likely to say: …then we watched the sunrise down at Mambo.
Least likely to say: A packet of disposable razors please shopkeeper.
1st YEAR WORKER – 1 week plus. A clueless individual who arrives with a dream that turns into a nightmare within 10 days. Will be ripped off by a Returning Worker then have wallet/iPhone/passport stolen whilst dropping first ever pill. Will call mummy in tears begging her to book a return flight asap.
Most likely to say: I’m living the dream.
Least likely to say: I’m having a nightmare.
1st YEAR WORKER – wannabe dealer. Lowest rung on the worker food chain. Talks big, promises lots but always lets everyone down. Mentions Peru with a knowing smirk, usually has scabby skin and a pocket full of 5 euro notes. Do not approach this person under any circumstances.
Most likely to say: mandy…charlie…pills…ket?
Least likely to say:…all of which I regularly take too much of