The Guiris are Here!

It’s time to finally face up to the fact that the summer is upon us once again. How do I know? Well these strange people have started to appear.

While I zip up my fleece, they walk past in vests, shorts and flip flops. I should be used to it after nearly 30 years on the White Isle but it still comes as a shock to the system when they magically appear. It’s 20 degrees and I’m still feeling the spring chill while they let it all hang out, basking in Ibiza’s beautiful weather.

The term ‘guiri’ is viewed by some as a slur but I rather like it, for me it’s a badge of honour. ‘Guiri’ (pronounced girry) is what the local Spanish call northern European tourists of a pasty/white skin nature who stand out in a crowd. I’ve been called it a thousand times and have never taken offence although I know some of my friends don’t like it.

When I’m called ‘guiri’ I usually respond by calling the perpetrator a ‘Payes’ or ‘Payesa’ which is like calling someone from Ibiza a ‘country bumpkin’. They usually give a ‘touché’ look and we move on quickly. There’s names for everyone after all, not just pale foreigners wanting to spend their hard earned money in your town.

Now that the summer flights have started it’s the official end of winter and the ‘guiris’ are arriving in their thousands, I have to admit that I sometimes have to stop myself from scowling when I see them, I’ve become that person but it’s more of a reflection on me than them. It’s not a personal thing, it’s just I’m not ready for the winter to end. I’m never ready for the winter to end.

As I see them walking around our empty April streets I also feel thankful that they are here. I live from tourism, I was able to buy the house I live in because of tourism, our island only has tourism and I try never to forget this. The scowl is about me not them, it’s about living in paradise for 6 months where I can park my car, drive without the fear of playing bumper cars, get a table at my favourite restaurant, talk to my friends without my phone going 24/7 and relax in the winter sunshine.

It’s now transition time where we get back into the swing of things. My first villa clients are round their Ibiza pools and it’s all systems go (well kind of). August is still a long way off even though it’s looming like a dark cloud in the distance.

This is life on the island and although I’m never fully prepared I love this time of year when we finally get our arse into gear and get ready for summer. I also love all the guiris for choosing to come to Ibiza time & time again, spending their hard earned money so we can work 6 months a year and then have another 6 months relatively stress-free in paradise.

So if you do see me or others scowl from time to time then please treat us with the contempt we deserve, it’s just a phase we are going through.

Cathy Guetta’s Bikini Beach Bites the Dust

Ibiza is a tough place to do business and all that glitters isn’t gold as Cathy Guetta has found out this week to her cost.

Bikini Beach, the beach club situated in Talamanca and co-owned by the businesswoman and ex-wife of superstar DJ David Guetta, declared bankruptcy on 11 March in proceedings at a Palma courthouse.

Details were published this week confirming the bankruptcy and advising creditors that an administrator has been appointed and for all outstanding bills to be submitted with a month.

The Bikini Beach Restaurant, known as ‘Bikini by Cathy Guetta’, opened its doors in May 2018 and was one of the two beach restaurants that Ms Guetta opened last summer in Talamanca, both in partnership with businessman Radouane Mahrouk. The second, ‘Turquoise’, opened its doors in July.

Guetta also has an interest in ‘Bagatelle Beach Ibiza’, located on the beach of Cala Molí in San Jose which opened in 2017.

Source: Diario de Ibiza

Brexit Sidetracking the Real Issue for Expats in Spain

In our local pub the talk has been nothing but Brexit for weeks. It’s an emotional subject with both sides having their say in a passionate way.

It’s taken over all forms of political conversation, uniting some people but mainly dividing groups who, like us, get into heated arguments over a few beers where temperatures rise quickly before things calm down a little and friendships remain.

That’s the Brexit effect but our local pub is in Ibiza and we don’t live in the UK, we live in Spain as expats.

Us expats are a funny bunch. We love the UK but don’t live there. We move to Spain for what we consider a better way of life, which basically means 300 days of sunshine per year. It’s not always easy integrating yourselves with the locals, some do it better than others, some try hard to learn the local language whereas others don’t even bother. The expat can be a strange creature

I clearly remember in the 90s when Sky TV finally arrived in Spain. A seminal moment and what many thought was the final piece of the jigsaw, watching English football in your own Spanish home with the sun shining outside. Then came Sky digital which meant Coronation Street and Eastenders could also became part of your lives in Spain, if you were that way inclined.

Nowadays it’s gone even further and with the boom of the internet you can practically work anywhere in the world and still retain all your passion for your birthplace, as has been proven with Brexit.

But it’s sidetracked the real issue of our day to day lives in Spain, it’s been a diversion but it’s time to focus on what’s really important and that’s the Spanish local municipal elections on Sunday 26 May.

Over 18 million British tourists visit Spain every year. Banco Santander is a massive player in UK banking. Spanish companies such as AENA own Luton Airport and Telefonica own O2.

Brexit or no Brexit, the UK and Spain’s future was never in doubt, there’s too much to lose on both sides for the two countries not to find an agreeable way forward. Of course there will be changes in the event of Brexit but they won’t be earth shattering.

On the Spanish Costas there’s been a big shift in how tourism is viewed mainly through political point scoring and short term reactions rather than long term planning. Here in Ibiza it’s been a policy of prohibit and cull rather than invest and manage. There’s massive things happening locally right now that need to be voted on.

Brexit, it’s been fun, but now as an expat it’s time to focus on the real issue of who you are going to vote for in the Spanish local elections on Sunday 26 May. Who is going to be leading your local town hall come June and who is going to be making the decisions that will affect your life on a daily basis over the next 4 years.

Brexit Terminology Explained

Brexit” – a pipe dream of the over 50’s to prove that the UK is still a world force

Cabinet” – a room full of liars, backstabbers & cowards

Self-Interest” – see previous point

Brexit Secretary” – laughing stock

May” – Cruella de Vil without the charisma

Corbyn” – useless, anti-war, anti-establishment, anti everything, pro-Brexit but not allowed to say

ERG” – old Etonian drinking club

Jacob Rees Mogg” – upper class intelligent twit

House of Commons” – Private Members Club (commoners not allowed)

Tusk” – pantomime villain

Brussels” – Gravy Train (invite only)

Boris” – deluded buffoon, to be wheeled out like a performing monkey when mood needs to be lightened

Farage” – a more sinister version of a “Boris”

Gove” – alternative word for weasel

Bercow” – little man syndrome

Backstop” – the ‘MacGuffin‘ that drives the plot but doesn’t actually exist

Bendy Banana Ban” – a myth perpetuated by Brexiteers

Democracy” – can be spoken about but not acted upon

Article 50” – two harmless words that when put together have brought the UK to it’s knees.

Voters” – should be seen but not heard

Brexiteers” – little Englanders

Remainers” – hanging on

29 March 2019” – the last Friday of the 3rd month

Press” – a rabid, hungry bunch of dogs looking for juicy morsels

Europe” – the pretend enemy within

Super Gonorrhoea Traced Back to Ibiza

They say that there’s no such thing as bad publicity but news that a new strain of ‘Super Gonorrhoea’ can be traced back to Ibiza probably isn’t the best advertising for the island.

A study published in the magazine Eurosurveillance places Ibiza as the link between the strain Neisseria gonorrhoeae FC428 and the infection of 2 men and 2 women, all from the UK.

The first case was registered at a UK sexual health clinic in October 2018 when a woman complained of urinary problems. The patient admitted having had unprotected sexual intercourse with a man, also a resident of the United Kingdom, two months earlier while on vacation in Ibiza (August madness as usual).

The scientific study emphasizes that the probable transmission of this disease has occurred on the island means that “there is a risk of undetected transmission.” Subsequently the UK government has issued an international alert.

Strain FC428 was isolated for the first time in January 2015 in Japan and appeared two years later in Australia, Canada, Denmark and France but the trail was lost in 2018 in Ireland.

The good news for Ibiza residents is that, despite the headlines, local hospitals haven’t reported any case of multidrug-resistant gonorrhoea in recent months so looks like the tourists brought the disease with them but more importantly took it away with them too. Ibiza, for once, is just an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire (if you pardon the expression).

Those tourists eh!

Source: Nou Diari

San Antonio Port To ‘Close’

Vehicles of 4 wheels or more will be prohibited from arriving or departing at San Antonio Port for the next 2 years under a new ruling brought in by the Balearic Government and pushed through by the local ruling coalition.

In direct response the ferry companies have not included San Antonio in any schedules for this coming summer which means that the ferry terminal will more than likely stay closed for the foreseeable future.

Although many local businesses were against the move Mayor Josep Tur ‘Cires’ has finally got his wish arguing that San Antonio is a tourist town and shouldn’t receive vehicles and especially heavy goods lorries through the town on a daily basis in the summer.

The Mayor cited damage to the port, a collapse of traffic, water pollution and an increase in dangerous waves as his main reasons for the move. “The intention is for the port to stay this way indefinitely. We call it a port, but in reality it is the tourist bay of San Antonio and we have to recover its tourist, recreational and fishing use” said the Mayor.

Regarding the question of whether a majority of the town agrees with this temporary closure, Cires limited himself to saying that “there are always different opinions and we will see (in the next 2 years) the advantages and disadvantages”.

The Mayor also made clear that his position as President of San Antonio Yacht Club has nothing to do with the decision to close the port to vehicles. “Es Nàutic is a non-profit organization where all the directors collaborate without earning anything. We have a concession that is perfectly defined and that has nothing to do with the management of the port”

Marcos Serra, PP Mayoral candidate for San Antonio responded that the decision taken by the Socialists contrasts with the proposal of his own party which wants the local public to decide the fate of the port. “We want the residents of San Antonio to be the ones who decide, what the present government has done with underhand treachery is close the port to traffic and goods vehicles without any consultation or consensus from the town” said Serra.

Source: Periodico de Ibiza

5 BIG Reasons to Visit Ibiza in May 2019

The month of May is always an exciting time in Ibiza. Energy levels are high as the gossip ends and the opening parties commence. The weather is usually very good plus flights and accommodation are competitively priced. Here’s 5 reasons (if you needed them) why coming to Ibiza in May is always a good idea.

Friday 10 May – Cafe Mambo Opening Party. Put this in your diary as it’s always a special night on the sunset strip when Mambo opens its doors for the summer season. Sunset tunes by Jason Bye followed by surprise guests and a feel-good party. It doesn’t get any more Ibiza than this.

Saturday 11 May – Amnesia Opening Party. Yes you read that right, Amnesia opens on the ELEVENTH OF MAY this year. The home of Balearic house states it’s intentions with an early opening party featuring Luciano, the Martinez Brothers and Adam Beyer. Doors open from 8pm!

Friday 17 May – O Beach/Ibiza Rocks Hotel/Defected at Eden Opening Parties. The newly monikered O Beach might have a new name but you can expect the same crazy party atmosphere in the sunshine at their famous opening extravaganza. Ibiza Rocks Hotel embarks on yet another fun filled summer with their variety of headline artists with Craig David leading the way. For the hardcore it’s a quick shower and change and then on to San An’s biggest clubbing night as Defected kick off their weekly residency at Eden but this time taking over Fridays. What a day for San Antonio!!

Saturday 18 May – Ushuaïa and Hï Opening Parties. These 2 heavyweights have joined forces for the opening party of all opening parties. Ushuaïa will kick off from midday for some daytime fun in the sun then Hï (newly voted the worlds best club) will take over at midnight with both venues promising massive headliners in world class surroundings. A 24 hour mega-party to kick off the summer in style (and it’s a week earlier than usual)!

Friday 24 May – IMS Dalt Vila Party. This iconic party returns to the most iconic of all venues on the white isle, underneath the cathedral in Ibiza’s Old Town, a UNESCO world heritage site. With a mixture of up and coming artists and industry heavyweights this is always a fantastic night under the stars and it gets better every year.

Don’t delay, get your flights booked and see you in May on the worlds best Island.