It’s that time of the year when boats are stored away for the winter so, at the end of another busy summer on the water, here’s my personal guide to owning and running a boat on the white isle.
1. Have lots of liquid money, if not you might need to rob a bank or pray for a lottery win
2. Prepare to be annoyed on a daily basis
3. Understand that the yacht clubs will completely take the piss
4. Fact: You will always lose money with boats
5. You pay a captain lots of money to drive your boat and look good
6. Boat mechanics are similar to DJs and chefs – proceed with caution
7. Most of the boat factories close down in August so it’s almost impossible to solve a major problem in the peak season
8. Formentera waters are like a boat caravan park for the first 2 weeks of August
9. There’s always someone with a bigger boat than you even if your name is Roman (but not if your name is Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan)
10. Filthy rich owners only use their boats for 2 weeks a year. Which is kind of irritating
11. You will be happy when you buy a boat, you will be ecstatic when you sell it
12. B.O.A.T actually stands for ‘Bring On Another Thousand’
13. Fat old European men with strange moustaches always have great looking girls on their boat – which is ‘strange’
14. Chicks dig boats
15. Chicks really dig boats
16. Boys love toys so love boats, I mean really love boats
17. You will have some of the best days of your life on a boat
18. Memories are all we have
19. You can’t take it with you so you might as well spend it on something you can have fun with
20. Ibiza & Formentera is a paradise for boat owners (point 8 notwithstanding)
21. You will never want to go to the beach by car ever again
22. As you are collected from your boat, the word ‘taxi’ has a whole different meaning
23. You can honestly say ‘do you fancy coming on MY boat’ at 4am at a Superclub
24. Sunset from Mambo is great, sunset from a boat moored outside Mambo is amazing
25. Be prepared to discuss your boat on several social occasions
26. Your boat will start to define you as you become the ‘person with the boat’
27. Fake friends are commonplace ….you own a boat remember
28. Name your boat wisely
29. See points 14 and 15 – don’t forget point 18 and keep reminding yourself of point 19.
30. Boats are as addictive as a crack cocaine habit……just more expensive
This blog is dedicated to Derek and Nigel (point 18)
"MAN IN SAN AN" by Martin Makepeace 
I only realised this once my mate Bits bought his 47foot Bavaria, all of a sudden women took an interest in him, I need to get a boat, will a kayak do?? 😂😂😂😂
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For clarity I love you with or without a boat x
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