1. This is a snapshot of the busiest 12 weeks in Ibiza, mainly focussing on negative issues. It’s all in the framing and there’s a scripted agenda here thats aimed squarely at BBC Three’s target audience of 16–34 year-olds.
2. Lots of basic inaccuracies (Cala Salada described as Cala Gracio, a marina full of luxury yachts that looks suspiciously like Italy but definitely isn’t Ibiza) only heightens the sense that this is going to descend into another one of ‘those’ Ibiza documentaries but let’s not let cold hard facts get in the way of a good story.
3. Zara McDermott, looking like a younger inquisitive Kelly Brook with a perma-frown comes across well playing to her Instagram audience by being obsessed with wealth, fame and celebrity with the occasional insincere wow and whoa.
She’s blown away by how the super rich enjoy their holidays but spoiler alert….it’s always been this way, it’s what made Ibiza famous in the first place but now it’s plastered all over her timeline whereas before it was behind closed doors. For some form of perspective she might want to spend a couple of days at the Monte Carlo Grand Prix or with the Las Vegas high rollers so she can see real wealth as opposed to her insta perceived wealth.
4. She rightly highlights the watch thieves, it’s a risk wearing an expensive watch anywhere these days but in Ibiza you run the risk of being targeted by an organised gang. Unfortunately it’s been happening for years but with the fashion of flaunting your wealth (good old insta again) the potential targets have increased tenfold.
5. Synopsis: A reality TV influencer interviewing other influencers about influencing plus wannabe influencers who are trying to break into influencing by talking to influencers. This might be aspirational for the 16-30 years olds but utterly depressing for anyone over the age of 40. No wonder you can’t get a plumber these days.
6. Bali, the money obsessed Only Fans model who rates dick pics, ‘designs’ a charcuterie board for 600 quid and is game for mostly anything as long as there’s a pay cheque in it, is charismatic (that’s why they cast her) and will appeal to the core audience (and her mum will appeal to their parents). It says a lot about a 21st century social media obsessed generation but not relevant to 99% of what is happening in the modern Ibiza.
7: Every story needs a bad boy (trust me I know), so step forward the shamelessly game but naive Faris who comes across as a gurning grubby hack preying on drunk youngsters letting their hair down on holiday. A modern day paparazzi with his hairdresser on speed dial, whipping out his camera phone and taking tawdry videos for the highest bidder and a content hungry generation, regardless of the very real implications.
Faris lives in a bubble and comes out with some classic sweeping statements that only highlight his ignorance such as “everyone’s always drunk out here”, “everyone in Ibiza loses their heads” and the glorious “I think people are idiots”. If I was running the West End he would be persona non grata but is there any such thing as bad publicity? San Antonio council might have a view on that so don’t be surprised if the authorities decide to check his legal documentation next time he’s out and about. The camera works both ways.
8. Drugs in Ibiza. NO WAY! SHOCK HORROR! As is usual on any ‘hard hitting Ibiza documentary’ (trademark), it might start out with good intentions but quickly switches to drugs, on a loop for 4 episodes when 1 would have been more than enough to get an important message across.
Drugs have always been an issue in Ibiza but if there’s a demand then there will be supply. It’s simple economics and this won’t change anytime soon but, as shown here, it’s the nice people who pick up the pieces.
Drugs are synonymous with the island (well said Mr Doris – the Balearic music scene was literally built on them) and there was nothing new to see here that hasn’t been said a thousand times before apart from inventive new ways of distribution.
A darkly lit tunnel for the drug dealer talk was pure theatre (she could have gone to any club VIP area) with a shady figure explaining that 50K a week (yeah right mate) is the upside or plenty of years in the slammer is the downside.
The big reveal that South American gangs control the drug trade is hardly a eureka moment but the first responders, especially the ambulance crew, are heroes fighting a losing battle every night of the summer due to the actions of mainly young tourists taking drugs for the first time. It’s a relevant message but it says more about modern culture than Ibiza.
Ms McDermott’s throwaway line that people are scared to talk about drugs is laughable, in the summer it feels like we talk about nothing else.
9. Tomas, the half English police officer, with his face hidden is a welcome voice of calm in a crazy world and should be given his own series. He’s been brought up on the island so has been exposed to everything Ibiza has to offer from an early age. Like most Ibiza born youngsters (my teenage children included) he’s been conditioned to think this is normality. The other side to growing up in ‘paradise’ and worthy of a documentary series in itself.
10. This programme isn’t here to tell the world about the positives of Ibiza. It’s pure click bait for those who judge everything on appearance. The thousands of families and ‘normal people’ who enjoy the island every summer without any drama will be scratching their heads wondering what hell is being depicted here where if you’re rich prepare to be robbed, if you’re poor don’t bother coming and most young people are on drugs or talking shit into a camera up the West End. Luckily outside of Zara’s influencer bubble the real people know the real story.
11. Zero collaboration with the islands big hitters (Hï, Ushuaïa, Pacha, Amnesia, Mambo, Ibiza Rocks etc) tells it’s own story so was this series sponsored by the O Beach Group whose businesses are heavily featured or are they the ones that really ‘get’ this generation?
Probably a bit of both as they can offer access all areas to a series focussed on their core British market. The feeling that it comes across as one big advertisement paid for by the British TV licence fee payer maybe justified but it’s clearly a quid pro quo.
The cat loving, bubbly Alis and her Faith team are fun viewing, the ever affable Tony Truman comes across well serving up some home truths with his cheeky smile but also not shying away from reality and the self styled Instagram King of Ibiza Wayne Lineker is mainly in the background but is as marmite as ever. Say what you want about him, Wayne’s heard it all before but he was an early adopter of social media and understands it’s power which is basically what this TV series and his businesses are built on.
12. Party Hard Travel is the modern day Club 18-30 with good looking, young inexperienced reps dealing with young clueless travellers – hence why they’re on an organised holiday (remember them?). Who’d have thought that young people binge drinking and taking drugs for the first time in the sunshine would lead to drama? In other words, nothing to see here.
13. Did we learn anything new? Ms McDermott certainly isn’t going to give Roger Cook (youngsters-look him up) a run for his money but she does highlight some of the ongoing issues that have dogged the island for decades and deserves credit for that. She may think that she has reinvented the wheel but for anyone over the age of 35, we’ve seen this template a hundred times before.
14. The tragedy of this social media obsessed docu-series is that the real story was there, right in front of Zara’s eyes but she was too busy concentrating on the bright lights, acrobats, luxury villas and Rolex watches to see it.
Ibizas lack of key workers, hence the police shortage had 1 line, the housing crisis leading to a village of tents (and the police’s empathy towards them – which told its own tale) took up mere seconds of the 4 episodes.
The disparity between the haves and have nots, not just in Ibiza but in most of the Spanish tourist hotspots is a ticking time bomb but Zara couldn’t see the wood full of tents for the trees. I thought her Gen Z audience are supposed to have a social conscience?
So instead of a grown up conversation and some hard hitting facts about how tourism is seriously affecting the eco-system on a human level we had dopey Declan, flouncing Faris and the all too easy option of drugs and more drugs on a loop for 4 episodes. In Zara’s world the influencers take precedence over the homeless.
Conclusion
It’s horses for courses and if you’re looking for a hard hitting documentary then this isn’t it but the bright lights and white sand of Ibiza always look great on the small screen. The access to the police, ambulance crew and first responders were fascinating and Ms McDermott did a good job of simplifying things for her audience about an Ibiza that doesn’t feature on her social media feed or her paid for holidays but that’s why they chose her, she appeals to the BBC Three audience.
It’s always a worthwhile message to explain the downside of excess to youngsters. Zara thought everything was shiny until she saw the other side but let’s be clear, there’s more danger walking down a London street in daylight and most of the things she highlights are irrelevant to the overwhelming majority as they go about the business of enjoying their hard-earned Ibiza holiday.
Ibiza will carry on regardless and in a few years time Zara and the producers will be in Santa Eulalia having an amazing time with their families, a million miles away from this portrayal, and the next social media savvy type will come along and present the same story with the same ending. Let’s hope one day someone will come along and present a more rounded portrayal of the White Isle but don’t hold your breath.
What’s billed as an exposé descends into a carbon copy of every other Ibiza documentary caught up in a frenzy of drugs and alcohol but now we can throw in the shallow world of social media, which can be just as addictive.
Ultimately it’s just a little bit of history repeating, this time rehashed, resealed and presented in a depressing light for the zoomer generation who, on the basis of this output, only care about the cost of everything and the value of nothing. A missed opportunity.
MAN IN SAN AN by Martin Makepeace 